No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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