If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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