im drinking this country out of the recession.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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