My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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