when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
