He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
