is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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