hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
