I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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