We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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