A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
