Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
