What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I love having hate sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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