It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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