Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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