woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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