just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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