PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
