I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
