She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
worst night to have a conscience
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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