Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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