I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
