i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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