So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
our cab driver is having phone sex.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
