I love black thongs
Sponge bath it is.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
