someone threw a dead crab at me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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