What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
