6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
