Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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