I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
