I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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