you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
