Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
