The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
