Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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