Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
MIDGETS
????
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize