I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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