i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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