Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
