I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
