what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
