I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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