I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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