don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
