just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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