its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
