when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
