are you still at the devil's house?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
