Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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