You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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