even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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