Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
