We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
