im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he shaved USA in his pubs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The feeling are messing with the penis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
