The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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