Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
