This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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