I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
