It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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