Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
