Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
