tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
