i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
