I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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