it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
