She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Mom said you looked used
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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