I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
