does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
