So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
