how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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