Plan B is the new Plan A
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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