I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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