hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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