Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
