I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
