I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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