I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
