Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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