You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
