can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
