I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
